The Buddhist Centre
Last Christmas my husband gave me Nelson Mandela’s biography. Reading that book got me thinking about all these amazing people who changed the course of history and had such a strong impact in the world, and the way we see it today.
At First I got a bit sad for realising that I don’t do anything to contribute to the society in general Nor even to my community. Then it got me inspired. I decided that I wanted to make a change, even if it was a small one. With that in mind I thought where I could take my first step. Well, I can start at home, where I have direct influence on those who are around me every day. Starting by being more patient in those moments when my son is crying or unsettled, and all I want is some peace and silence, or being more patient with my husband, even when he asks me where I keep the cheese greater for the 100th time!
That was when I came across to a mother and baby’s group in a Buddhist centre that follows some principles laid out by Nelson Mandela. The main idea of it was to discuss about positive parenting, share experiences and challenges that we, mums, face in our day to day lives. As everything seemed to converge, I decided to give it a try. Even not being a Buddhist, they said that everyone was welcomed to join the group.
On that Thursday my son Kaio and I went to the Buddhist centre. In a large room surrounded by beautiful paintings of sunset and pictures of Dalai Lama, five mums and their babies (all girls apart from Kaio) sat on a circle in cushions on the floor while the babies were in the centre with some toys. We were all offered some biscuits but before I even tried mine I noticed that my son had already realised that the red and gold towel on the table, where a picture of Dalai Lama was standing, was definitely more interesting that any of those toys. I ran to avoid a mess but when I reached him everything was already on the floor, I got just on time to prevent Dalai Lama from swimming in Kaio's mouth. This was the beginning of two long hours!!
I honestly don't know how, but all the other babies were quietly sitting on the floor, each one chewing her own toy while Kaio was trying to climb the curtains, dancing and singing! He was 10 months old then, and had already started walking and the dancing was pretty much shaking his legs and putting his butt up and down while clapping his hands. I always thought his little dance with the singing was quite funny and cute but among the Buddhists mums and the most well behaved and silent babies, I was not so sure anymore! I had this feeling that even Dalai Lama was looking at us and disapproving it all!!!
To make it even worse we got into the discussion about dummies. All the other mums made it clear that they strongly disapproved the use of dummies, which in theory so did I, but I ended up choosing that over Kaio sucking on his thumb. It is not the perfect thing but it was my choice and I only give it to him to help him sleep but anyway... I had a little box with 3 of his dummies inside his bag and somehow Kaio took them out of the bag and managed to open the box. When we realized 3 other babies were sucking on Kaio's dummies! One little girl looked at her mum and smiled with the dummy in her mouth but the mum didn't think that was funny at all!
Then I though "now we are going to be kicked out of THIS Buddhist place". Luckily this did not happened but I can tell you that we shook things up over there!! Not long after that Kaio, the dummies and I left, and I kept wondering if I should just never go back there, or pretty much on the contrary - go for intensive sessions!!
This experience made me realize that, just like we adults, our little ones have their own characteristics and what works for one baby might not work for another. None of my close friends have babies yet, so somehow I find it comforting to share these, sometimes funny other times embarrassing events that I’ve been experiencing as a new mum, with others who might relate to them.
In My PJ’s
The first two weeks after my son was born were incredible. We were getting to know each other. I experienced for the first time that amazing and yet terrifying feeling of someone being completely dependent on me.
I had never been as exhausted and as happy like that before. I felt this deep peace when I was holding my son in my arms, hearing him breathing while sleeping. Looking at my photographs of those first few weeks after giving birth, I have these dark lines under my eyes, my hair looks terrible, as a result of the numerous times when I couldn’t remember if I had washed it yet that day so I ended up washing it over and over again. Simple things like going to the toilet when I felt the urge to go, having a shower when I wanted or eating when I was hungry were taken away from me! But despite all that I look happy. And that’s what I remembered most about those first days with my son around.
But then I remembered this.
When my son was two weeks old I left him with his dad for the first time. I had to go grocery shopping and everyone was telling me that it would be good for me to get out by myself. I didn’t want to leave him but I did it anyway.
On the way to the supermarket I had this strange feeling that I was forgetting something but could not find out what so I kept driving.
I arrived. Parked and locked the car, walked into the supermarket and felt eyes of the strangers starring at me. I thought: What is these people's problem? Yeah, I looked tired and my hair is a mess, I know that, I'm a new mum. People can be so judgemental sometimes!
I picked up some salad and had a glance at the mirror, yeah, my hair had definitely seen better days but it’s not that bad... hang on a minute! Fuuuu... I'm wearing my pyjamas and my pink robe on top! Ok. No panic. Now I basically had two options; option one leave the salad, the basket and return to the car as fast as I could, possibly not running so I wouldn't draw even more attention to myself. Option two, stand tall and keep on shopping. Considering that I was already inside and I really needed to buy some groceries I decided to finish my shopping (as fast as I could).
So there I was, shopping in my pyjamas. I have to say that was probably very entertaining for most of the people around. I think there was even a kid who took a picture of me with his cell phone. Great! Mummy in her pyjamas on You Tube! At that point I thought, for the future, always choose option one.
I finished my shopping and drove back home. As I opened the door my husband takes a glance of me and says: “did you go out dressed like that?” Thanks honey, now you tell me!
I lost count of how many times I did things like I go out to get lemons and come back home with a bag full of fruits but no lemon or I ask the lady at the café for a “nappy” instead of a napkin, I guess that’s what they call “baby brain”.
I’d like to be able to say that those days are over now that my son is 1 but the truth is that they are not. I may have never went shopping in my pyjama’s again, but when my son has a cold and doesn’t sleep well I spend the night beside him to make sure he knows I am there, so I am tired the next day and I end up forgetting many things again.
I think that with time we learn how to multi task better and better, to cope with all the changes that happen in our lives when we become mums but one thing I knew for sure, as soon as I looked into my son’s eyes for the first time; my life will never be the same, and I’m thankful for that.
